Intruder Evictor T-Shirts

"....and I caught this bounder trying to sell me double glazing!"

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

When cockroaches go unchecked.

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

'Looks like we're dealing with a mule deer infestation. I can get rid of them, but you'll have to wait until they're in season!'

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

Flies up the ante!

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

Fighting the Zika Virus

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

What did you think happens to all those vitamins that roll beneath the fridge?

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

"Yep, it says "pesticide"! Not only are they trying to kill us, they also insult us by calling us pests!"

'Okey, suit yourself but I saw the library book move.'

"This wasn’t a mouse, ma’am — it was a cartoonist."

Drone Spray

Pied Piper uses 'Rat Nav'.

"These door hinges squeak."

Superintendent

'How long did you try before calling?'

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

"Down there, by the coffee room...you've got a bad case of summer intern infestation."