Introverted Food Lover Gifts

Reserved

'Your French dip, sir.'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"We're odd looking but just as good."

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'Excuse me - are you organic?'

'Pepperoni: Muse of Pizza'

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

"Just a pinch, Helga ... spicy eye of newt doesn't agree with me."

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

'Just for once, can't we have a picnic without your mates turning up to crawl all over the food?'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

"Mom said never use that dirty 4-letter word on vacation...DIET."

A man and baby wearing bibs

Tzatzikicicle

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

Cook being told what to do by housemaid

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

"George often brings his work home with him."

'You may well have eaten fresher fish before but not in this restaurant. . .'

'The marvelous thing about a Singles cruise is, if you don't find an interesting man, you can drown your sorrows with interesting food.'

If traffic signs were used in everyday life...

I always forget - is it white with dry food and red with wet food, or the other way around?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.

"Get the meat loaf—I hit it out of the park today."

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

"Mum, why can't we just have a normal Sunday roast like other families?"

Executive Tacos

"I tried to hire a hamburger fry cook from a fast food joint for our cafeteria but he wouldn't take the cut in pay."

"That's not fair. I do not only visit you once a year on National Asparagus Day."