Introduction To Family Pillows

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"You're about to discover why I left home at 15."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Cry babies.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

The Baby Walker

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Ahhh...'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

My First Camera

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

Impressing dad.

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."