Family Introduction Pillows

'It's so nice to finally meet you. we can play 'good mother-in-law - bad mother-in-law'.'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

Cry babies.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'Ahhh...'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

The Baby Walker

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

My First Camera

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

Impressing dad.

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Social distancing

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."