Interview Unpredictability Gifts

'Some book-keeping, photocopying, general office duties and some danger...'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Don't be nervous, relax...he puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like you do. Of course, his pants are tailor made and cost $600 a pair...'

"Seriously?"

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"Ideally, we're looking for someone who can handle change."

'Let me start by saying I wish I had your imagination...'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"Have you ever used a plastic straw?"

"According to your resume, your last three employers are some of the biggest crime families on the eastern seaboard. I don't know what position you've applied for, but welcome to the company."

We're trying a new interview technique. It's called "laddering".

'I've had tight deadlines, if that's what you mean by performing well under pressure.'

'Would you cart to explain this three page gap in your resume?'

"How would you like to mark our territory?"

"I may have exaggerated a bit about coming up with a cure for cancer."

"We don't think you're management material."

I've got to run to my job interview! Do I have spinach between my teeth?

'I don't have a resume, but I have accumulated an extensive paper trail.'

"I have to admit, I've never seen anyone list 'cleaning out my desk' as a job skill."

"Actually those missing four yeas I was working here under a different name."

"Instead of a traditional resume, I thought it would be more impressive if I acted out my work experience in a one-man play. Scene one. . ."

'My former employer gave me a plus score in being merry.'

Ted's confidence quickly fades.

'I said.. how long were you a DRILL INSTRUCTOR, SIR?'

'I'm sorry, but you haven't got the job.'

'Feelings, nothing more than feeeelings that I'm right for this job.'

"We do value optimism here, but nobody is going to be influenced by happy faces in the margins of your resume."