Interview Novice Sympathizer Pillows

'When I asked if you had 'any other questions' I didn't mean about the weather next weekend!'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

Do you have any other skills?

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

Protect Victims of Domestic and Sexual Violence

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

Prejudice/Empathy

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Remember, the road to recovery begins with baby steps."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

"I feel your pain level."

"I learned one thing today. Attitude trumps aptitude!"

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Tangled Earphones Support Group.

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

Spoiler alert: most of my presentation is actually a series of trigger warnings.

'He will observe your text now...'

"Maybe this isn't the right heartless monolithic corporation for you."

'Sorry, J.B., but I never merge after a first meeting.'

"I know. I miss him, too."

"Again, you may exercise your right to remain silent, but it's going to work against you since this is a job interview."

'Adam seems depressed - He needs camaraderie or something.'

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

'How many words per minute do you type?'

'You don't want the job, do you?'