Interview Novice Sympathizer Pillows

'When I asked if you had 'any other questions' I didn't mean about the weather next weekend!'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

Do you have any other skills?

Prejudice/Empathy

Protect Victims of Domestic and Sexual Violence

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

"I feel your pain level."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I learned one thing today. Attitude trumps aptitude!"

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

"I know. I miss him, too."

Spoiler alert: most of my presentation is actually a series of trigger warnings.

'How many words per minute do you type?'

Tangled Earphones Support Group.

"Maybe this isn't the right heartless monolithic corporation for you."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'Sorry, J.B., but I never merge after a first meeting.'

'He will observe your text now...'

'Adam seems depressed - He needs camaraderie or something.'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"I'm not asking for a raise. All I'm asking for is a little warmth and human understanding."