Interview Joker Gifts

'Are you here about the lifeguard job?'

How are you at decision making?

'On paper, you appear to be an excellent candidate for a sales representative. However, without the ability to palm a basketball...'

"Now tell me, what do you think you would bring to our company?"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Get crazy once in a while

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

See, Bill? They DID remember us this Valentine's Day!

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"Any other skills?"

"This position requires someone with a thick skin... Well, do you think you're up to the job, big nose?"