Interview Illuminator Pillows

'I can take out some of the padding if I appear overqualified.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Bright Idea

Do you have any other skills?

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"We can't actually pay you, but your work will get a lot of exposure."

'He will observe your text now...'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'Have you got a resume?'

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

Interview.

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

I think you should go after my job!

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."