Interview Admiration Gifts

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I'm the bad guy..."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

'He will observe your text now...'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Have you got a resume?'

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

Men discussing a book on a chat show