Interview Achiever Pillows

"I'd give you a list of references but no one will admit they know me."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

Caged Businessman

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"One day, I'll be the first woman!"

"I've finally arrived. The C.E.O. stopped saying 'who the hell are you' whenever he sees me."

"I really love school. There's only one problem. I think not having a college degree is holding me back."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"Listen here pup, it's time you realized it's a "dog eat dog" world."

"You know, there's a corporate elevator."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"