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Cosmic Weekly - New Galaxy Discovered! Alf Centauri.

Ass-tronauts.

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'Actually, we were hoping you guys would have the solution to all our problems.'

"Is it true Dad...is the Earth really made of bleu cheese?"

'Boy, does this ever shoot holes in the old Big Bang Theory!'

Pole Star

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

'Can you believe it? - The doofus doesn't know whether this is the Alpha Quadrant or not!'

'Did you check the glove compartment? -- maybe you left the keys in there.'

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

Complaints Desk

Astronaut sees cell tower on the moon.

"See how it feels"

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Those are the sickos that made a film of Zorg's autopsy!"

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

"You ghosts are pretty cool. I wish I could be more like you..."

Climbing to the moon

"Dad, if there's a plot to the universe, can you see any spoilers?"

Seances of the future

"They seem to be most concerned with what shape it is."

Moon's Portaloo.

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

Customer complains about an asteroid in his food.

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"