Interrogation Gourmet Gifts

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Is the MSG local?"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

Thermidor Dali

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

Cheese Pile

Join me for dinner?

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Haute Chinese

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."