Gourmet Investigator Gifts

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

La Table

Try to guess the continent dining...

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

Honest Vending

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Is the MSG local?"

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Join me for dinner?

Haute Chinese

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."

'Diet considerations.'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.