Gourmet Investigator Gifts

What's in your ostrich burger? 100% ostrich, gouda cheese, lettuce and tomato and mayo. Is it real gouda cheese? What do you mean "real"? Is it made from the milk of Dutch cows? I suppose it is. What type of lettuce is it? Green leaf? Iceberg? Romaine? Oak leaf? Butterhead? Romaine. And the tomato? Is it Roma? Cabernet? Granny Smith? Bush Goliath? Azoychka" Arkansas Traveler? Delizia? Cherry Brandywine? Black Krim? You ask a lot of questions. Aren't I entitled to know what I'm putting in my body

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

La Table

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

Try to guess the continent dining...

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Is the MSG local?"

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

Honest Vending

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

Haute Chinese

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'Diet considerations.'

Join me for dinner?