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"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

Between Offices

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

"Honey, this is serious, we need to text."

"We can't actually pay you, but your work will get a lot of exposure."

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"I guess I'll see you around Frank."

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

Doubt or Certainy

'Frankly, we're looking for someone very much unlike you.'

"I owe my success to always being the lesser of two evils."

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

"Do you, Amanda and John, promise to watch yourselves, mind your Ps and Qs, and generally step on eggshells in this marriage, in order to somehow keep it up and running for as long as possible?"

'I received matching offers.'

"Thanks for that."

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

'I'm sorry but I need my own space.'

"No, Phil, I'm not grateful that we finally have some time alone."

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

"Just identifying weak members of the herd."

"I've seen a number of meteoric career flameouts in my time, but Phil's was sure in a class by itself!"

"It's not all your fault, some of it is my mother's!"