Internet Marketplace Guru T-Shirts

'Sitting on the dock of eBay, wasting time...'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Guy has framed 'first Yuan'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Target your customer.

"You're stealing from the rich and selling it to the poor on Craigslist?"

Business is off the chart.

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

A close shave on the Titanic...

"Don't forget to rate us on stable-BnB."

"Maybe we'd do better if we called ourselves 'baristas'."

"Is that you talking or Wikipedia?"

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

"International trade"

"Harris, I want you to buy up anything that has 'dot com' in their title."

"The key to success is knowing what people want. Too bad it isn't knowing what people don't want."

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

'I think scroll sounds better than 'continuous media,''

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"In the marketplace of ideas, we may not have the best ideas, but we have the best marketing."

"I think you'd make a persuasive salesman."

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

'It has undergone a thorough research programme. I've shown it to my wife and her sister.'

Teaching evolution in the business schools.

Doctcom

'I guess this marks the beginning of the prin-ting dynasty!'

The price or the biscuits?