Internet Explorer (not The Browser) Gifts

"He's just realised that the stuff he bought on Ebay was the stuff he SOLD on Ebay!"

'Give me the name of your first girlfriend, first car, and first pet!'

"You have exceeded the maximum number of incorrect password attempts."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

The Little Search Engine Who Could: 'I think I can...I think I can...'

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

'Homepage Sweet Homepage'

"What does it mean? Heck, I don't know! It's mystifying!"

Liberal Vote-Shaming Explained

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

'Come on, you can help me to choose some lovely wallpaper.'

Digital Fomo!

'You must have been wearing your beer googles.'

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

"That's odd. I visited an antibacterial soap website, and my computer got a virus."

"He loves his computer but it's a love that's not returned."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

'Ideas.com' desk with a 'come' tray and a 'gone' tray.

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"