Internet Diagnosis Fans Pillows

"I looked up your rash online. Have you recently been to one of the moons of Saturn? Or, it could just be poison ivy."

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

Workplace Confidentiality.

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

"Tell you what, just tweet me your order when you're ready."

'I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again in about six months.'

"I do miss the crystal ball."

'Of course I just retweet everything I see - I'm a parrot.'

"That's not what it says on the Web."

'Take two of these and visit my website in the morning.'

You Will Find a Nearby Restaurant!

Godzilla's Security Question

"Nurse! Call the doctor, I've found out what is wrong with me."

'Giles has got his first follower on Twitter so we thought we'd have a few people round for drinks, just a small celebration...'

"Well, your reflexes are fine."

'It wouldn't work out, Evan. I'm Microsoft Internet explorer, and you're Google web browser.'

Tweeted

"How's the self-diagnosis coming?"

"I just thought I'd run the symptoms by you before I get a proper diagnosis on Google."

"I'm rather enjoying this." - Moth interrogation under spot light

"Sorry, but I don't see the 'Litter Box Challenge' going viral."

The first ever novel written entirely in emoticons.

Frequently used emojis, spring 2020

Trump Tweets

"Hey Tony, you're a young guy. What sort of emoji goes with, 'Pay what you owe us, you lousy bum, or we're coming over there to break your legs'?"

'Tyler, I'm afraid you've been autocorrected in favor of Taylor.'

"I don't care what it said when you looked up your symptoms on the internet. You arenot Anorexic."

"I'm very impressed with your web research,this self-diagnosis would be 100% accurate...if you were a Patagonian fruit bat!"

Barr and the Mueller-Report

'For now, just watch it -- we can dissect the plot later!'

Modern Post, Post Modern

"I've already consulted WebMD. I'm just here for a second opinion."

'It's hurtful enough you diagnose yourself on the internet, but then to call me a 'second opinion!''