Internal Health Geek Gifts

Man enters Gastroenterologist's and has two doors: "Spleen Vent" and "Gut Check"

The Cougher

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Is this still America?'

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

Friendly bacteria

"I guess exercise will make me feel more energetic, but I feel like I'm wasting all my energy exercising!"

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

'Talk about high-tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"The patient handed me this 'wearable technology' and said 'all the answers are on there'."

The discovery of the $2,000 Aspirin

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

Man sees danger of death sign. Arrows from sign are locked up.

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'Don't worry about the workload. The boss upgraded the computer.'

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

'The diagnostic computer keeps getting error messages.'

'I take it that when you went on your 'spot reduction' diet, this wasn't what you had in mind?'

'I'm sorry to disturb you, but new health and safety rules prohibit me from climbing down your chimney.'

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

'So does this 'hip, bum and thighs diet' work?'

"If your bill isn't paid in 30 days, you'll be hearing from the organ collection repro man!"

A doctor checks on a patient hooked up to a complicated-looking machine.

Jerry, incoming!

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

'When I use my iPod, my implantable defibrillator kicks in.'

'The Electronic Health Records software works very well. I entered the patient's medications, vitals, and allergies. The software calculated the course of treatment, projected outcome, and anticipate insurance reimbursement.'

Henry ignored his antihistamine's warning to avoid operating dangerous machinery while using it and loses his right foot to the vacuum cleaner.