Interior Design Dilettante Pillows

"It's very me, but I hate myself."

'I don't care what you think your ancestry is, the chair is too opulent for the TV room.'

Garlic Free Zone.

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"...I try to communicate with Desmond, but all he ever does is grunt."

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'House wine?'

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

The Salvador Deli

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

"I'd text you, but I haven't learnt to spell yet."

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

The singles bar...

"'Scuse me, Officer, but where do the elite meet to eat around here?"

I'm beginning to realize you can't cram 10 gigabytes of information into a one-gigabyte brain.

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'

Time Out Room

Entomology Reference: Bees, wasps, drones.

'Ambiance or non-ambiance?'