Intergalactic Tax Enthusiast Pillows

Tax Preparer. I'm working on my client's tax returns. Mars, being the "red planet," is claiming a business operating loss. Jupiter, with all those moons, takes deductions for almost 70 dependents. And earth has no new nations this year ... so no "capitol gains" to declare. Did Mercury lower his taxes? Yeah, he's eligible for a huge solar energy tax credit!

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Take me to your mechanic."

"I can never understand these foreign crop circles."

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

'Three zillion, five hundred trillion and sixty seven billion light years from Zog and now you tell me you've forgot to cancel the milk!'

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"Let's f**k up Mars!"

'We've gone to profit-sharing. But it's with the IRS.'

Minion, I've noticed several of the patrons are working on their laptops, tablets and phones. Yeah, that's what people do in cafes, boss. Are you aware, minion, that states and municipalities regularly tax people who conduct business within their borders? I don't see why the state should have a monopoly on taxation. Do you, minion? Inform the patrons they've missed the cafe's April 15th filing deadline, so there will be penalties. If the government can be "We the People," Armstrong Maynard can b

Christmas on Other Planets.

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

"What gear are we in, biscuit?"

"Hold on - I need to tell the credit card company I'm going on a trip."

'...And you're always complaining about the government's international trade agreements'

'...it's some distance away - but there are lots of 'em and they're edible.'

Woah, This was well worth swapping my flying saucer for!

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

"Take us to Disneyworld then, if there's time, to your leader."

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

"Look at that – they’re retreating!"

"Remember everybody, this is planet Earth, so whatever you do, don't drink the water!"

"Did you bring more cars?"

'You realize, of course, Death is the ultimate tax shelter?'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

Galaxy line - leaving Milky Way - entering Andromeda

"I don’t know why we bother traveling—they just missed the entire Milky Way."

Budget reaction.

"Let's find a planet with a better rating."

'We learned today that the world is a huge ball, which revolves on it's taxes.'