Intergalactic Investor Gifts

"Move my portfolio off planet."

'You need to diversify your portfolio by market cap, industry, country, galaxy and dimension.'

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

High-gravity baseball

Marry me astronaut

"Take me to your mechanic."

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

'The good news is we've discovered a vast new oil resource. The bad news is we need a space ship to get there.'

Science fiction fans on other planets

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

Dancing with the Star Wars

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

Newborn Cosmonaut

Big Bang For Your Buck Investments...Specializing in space technology.

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

"Let's f**k up Mars!"

"What gear are we in, biscuit?"

Christmas on Other Planets.

'Three zillion, five hundred trillion and sixty seven billion light years from Zog and now you tell me you've forgot to cancel the milk!'

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

"Hold on - I need to tell the credit card company I'm going on a trip."

'...And you're always complaining about the government's international trade agreements'

An astronaut parties with aliens on the wing of his spaceship.

Woah, This was well worth swapping my flying saucer for!

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

"Take us to Disneyworld then, if there's time, to your leader."

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

'...it's some distance away - but there are lots of 'em and they're edible.'

The solar system is replaced by sports balls.

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed mini-mall site, but that I'm not as familiar with your galaxy's zoning laws as I'd like to be.'

"Remember everybody, this is planet Earth, so whatever you do, don't drink the water!"

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

"Did you bring more cars?"