Interest Rate Wizard Gifts

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

'We can mortgage your future for a very attractive low interest rate.'

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

"Which carries a more favorable interest rate, an auto loan or a home improvement loan? My mobile home needs a new transmission."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

First National Bank. Keep life exciting --- Ask about our variable rate, interest-only mortgages.

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

"Dad, wouldn't my allowance be better off earning interest in a tax free municipal bond fund?"

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

Making money for investors is simple

"...And this is Mable, who will assist me with the billing."

'J.B., there's not enough ROI on the IPO, YTD.'

'Are you good with decimals? Our certificate of deposit is currently paying 0.025%.'

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

'My mother sent down some chicken soup to see if that will help.'

"Yow! Thank goodness you've kept costs on a short leash!"

'Of course we have to learn decimals. How else will we be able to compare bank interest rates.'

Finance Sector: Art of Rain Making.

"AI tsumoney"

Stockmarket investor's trays 'Up' and 'Down'.

"Mother, I sold the cow for some financial derivatives."

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

'Relax. I've come for your high yield 30 year Treasury bonds. They're about to expire.'

Finance Co., Refinance Co.

'Only one thing could be worse than paying income tax...' '..Not having to pay it.'