Intellectual Sibling Pillows

"Don't smile, you're on Candid Camus."

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

Mac OS 20

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

A Truism's Journey

"I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may tend to hurt sales of my 'tell-all' book."

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

To his dismay, Captain Kirk stumbles upon a Vulcan handsign-to-English translation website,

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

Mock Apple Pie Recipe

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

"The meaning of life? Funny you should ask."

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

To sleep, perchance to wake up as a different person.

Lesser Known Historical Figures: The Steno at the First Thanksgiving Dinner.

'My right brain isn't working.'

"I wasn't cheating. He's just peer mentoring and doesn't know it."

"Higher learning gets higher each year."

School closings of the future

"Well they look pretty undocumented to me."

Principal: 'Is THERE a DOCTORATE in the House?!'

"I'd like to extend a special welcome to those of you who are joining us for the first time, as part of a nightmare you're having."

'I told my Mom either the sitter goes, or I go!'

'I was afraid of this -- the evolution protocols are just confusing them.'

Teachers' Lounge: No Admittance

'I'm sending you a text. . .how did people talk before sms messaging?'

'I could have sworn that God was on our side.'

"If you upgrade this to an 'A' I think I can get you an extra $10,000."

"It's not gas...it's sibling rivalry."

Francis Bacon

'What the hell is the meaning of life?'