Intellectual Sibling Gifts

"Don't smile, you're on Candid Camus."

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

A Truism's Journey

"I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may tend to hurt sales of my 'tell-all' book."

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

Mock Apple Pie Recipe

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

Lesser Known Historical Figures: The Steno at the First Thanksgiving Dinner.

"The meaning of life? Funny you should ask."

'My right brain isn't working.'

"I wasn't cheating. He's just peer mentoring and doesn't know it."

"Higher learning gets higher each year."

School closings of the future

"Well they look pretty undocumented to me."

Principal: 'Is THERE a DOCTORATE in the House?!'

"I'd like to extend a special welcome to those of you who are joining us for the first time, as part of a nightmare you're having."

Teachers' Lounge: No Admittance

'I was afraid of this -- the evolution protocols are just confusing them.'

'I told my Mom either the sitter goes, or I go!'

Francis Bacon

"If you upgrade this to an 'A' I think I can get you an extra $10,000."

"It's not gas...it's sibling rivalry."

'I'm sending you a text. . .how did people talk before sms messaging?'

'I could have sworn that God was on our side.'