Intellectual Pet Lover Gifts

"Why can't you just fetch and beg like a normal dog?"

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

'It's okay - he knows how to use the GPS.'

"You're not a police dog, and that's not a crime scene."

Lola Knows More Than She Lets On

"No more nuts and bolts for you!"

'Kittens are cute, but I was thinking lion or tiger.'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

Cat reading Rommel biography.

"Tonight... Hemingway."

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

Dog Thoughts

"No one is denying that you're smart. For that to happen someone would have to say you're smart."

"That's pretty good, but can you fetch or play dead?"

"Too goth?"

"He's so posh...!"

Dog says of toy dog: 'He's really just a nodding acquaintance.'

"I'm sure he does bring you your slippers and your morning paper, but that still doesn't make him a service dog."

To maximize energy efficiency, Elwood's owners install a doggie window instead of a doggie door.

'Perhaps you'd be happier with a dog!'

'You know which one to push Peppy. Push one.'

'Now, we can't guarantee that this kind of brain surgery will change his disposition.'

Dog Magic Tricks

'Don't give me that 'plenty meat' stuff! Tell me you can make him well!'

Man's Best Friend: Love and Food

Blue Cat

Monasteries dog with bone cross atop his kennel

"Look, it's very simple.Dog food for dogs. Cat food for cats. And lobster for Julius."

'My advice is keep away from it. You start with catnip and before you know it, you're on heroin.'

'I don't go through the rubbish because I'm hungry: I'm just curious...'

The new pet lobster craze

"We bought her to replace little Henry's spleen, but then we just sort of fell in love with her."