Intellectual Debate Pillows

'The beauty of this is that it is only of theoretical importance, and there is no way it can be of any practical use whatsoever.'

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Now that was post-modern sex."

"So, what are you reading?"

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

Science Snobs

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

Protestors outside an exterminator shop.

'Even if you do, never admit that you know everything.'

Vladimir Nabokov

'I inherited therefore I am'

Why don't we invite Hypothesis? It's always a good idea to have an educated guest… Party List. Mesomides. Loxias. Anaximenes. Thales.

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

"Republican striptease"

Clones are people two!

Professional Couples

"I don't know whether we should keep it a secret or call the world press!?"

From now on, the rats that get steroids don't have to run the maze.

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

'I don't think therefore I'm not.'

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

Erasmus

"What about commands that violate your moral code?"

Now, will someone pass me a whale?

"What if we could see five dimensions?"

"It's an enduring mystery. How did this extinct species combine such huge brains with such jaw dropping stupidity?"

Academics At the Beach

Jury Bribes.

Tonight: Lecture on 4th Dimensional Physics and Ontological Topology. Buy Tickets Here. Sorry, fellas, but I'm going to have to see some IQ.

"I don't know about you, but I couldn't wait to get back to our book club."

Truth or dare at the philosophy dept.'s lounge