Intellectual Debate Pillows

'The beauty of this is that it is only of theoretical importance, and there is no way it can be of any practical use whatsoever.'

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"Now that was post-modern sex."

"So, what are you reading?"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

Science Snobs

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Even if you do, never admit that you know everything.'

Vladimir Nabokov

Protestors outside an exterminator shop.

'I inherited therefore I am'

"Republican striptease"

Clones are people two!

"I don't know whether we should keep it a secret or call the world press!?"

Professional Couples

'I don't think therefore I'm not.'

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

Erasmus

"What about commands that violate your moral code?"

Now, will someone pass me a whale?

"What if we could see five dimensions?"

"It's an enduring mystery. How did this extinct species combine such huge brains with such jaw dropping stupidity?"

Jury Bribes.

Truth or dare at the philosophy dept.'s lounge

"I don't know about you, but I couldn't wait to get back to our book club."

Academics At the Beach

'Sometimes I wish they'd just test vaccines on us.'