Insurance Savant T-Shirts

"I need the epipen? I need the epipen?! Where am I going to get that kind of money to pay for it?"

Tele underwriting versus direct contact.

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

'Who cares what she thinks? Grow a pair and buy the damn thing.'

"Ultimately, we realized we share too many app subscriptions not to make it work."

Despite the economic downturn, sales are as good as ever.

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

'Sell South Africa!'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

'Let me through - I've a bargain for a nose!'

The company's marketing strategy became increasingly sophisticated.

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

'I don't believe in hoarding cash and gold Dad: I invest in shares online...'

"Don't you ever run off again to get your oil changed without telling me."

TV Producers Workshop. The first goal of a series to avoid cancellation long enough to issue a DVD set. Get boxed before you get canned!

Piggy Bank ATM

'If you're going to stare at that thing all day, at least watch something educational,,, like Japan,'

'It's your debt to society.'

"We kiss a lot of frogs so that you find your prince."

'Here, take this pencil. We taped some sudokus to the ceiling in there to help you pass the time.'

"And the best feature of this shoe is you'll look Athletic even if you're not."

ACME, Inc. For the man who has everything. It's a home security company.

Look at these silly doorbuster promos for flat-screens and webcams. So? Tree's Trees. I'm not battling Black Friday traffic for a few bucks off junk I don't want. I hope someone does. I'm offering half off poinsettias for the first 25 customers. Tree's Tree Nursery. They're my gatebusters. Junk plants no one really wants.

'I tell you, Angela, there's no sight sadder than a desperate adhesives salesman...'

'The forever stamps I purchased at 42 cents are now 44 cents. That's an annual apprciation of 2 which is more than you earned on your investment portfolio.'

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

Nethead strip: Sale.com

I've seen your salary requirements, now I'll tell you your market price.

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"