Instruction Manual Collector Pillows

Instructions on how to be a golfer.

"It says it can be assembled by a 5 year old child - pop out and find me one..."

"If you roped your cowhand by mistake, turn to page 21..."

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

Nuke: 'Use only as directed.'

Dummies for Dummies.

"Does it come with instructions?"

Benedict Cumberbatch

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

Thank you bubbles

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'ANOTHER Shakespeare play?!! Look, all we wanted was the user manual for a sandwich maker.'

"Blast, you've cleaned me out again!" Grey squirrels out competing red squirrel for food.

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

"Just toot my horn and I'll be there."

Philosopher trading cards.

The Card Flinger

"I'm away from my desk right now..."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Attic of hopes and dreams...

"Connect A2 to B3, insert D3 into E5....I hate flat packs!"

'That's not what it looked like in the shop...' - 'It's near enough.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

Orthopaedist

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

'I'm a football referee - I'll have a box of red and a box of yellow.'

Card shark

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"Please feel free to browse."