Institutional Food Enthusiast T-Shirts

"And what are the two wonderful gourmet delights you're serving up today...my good man?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Party time.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

Advanced footsie

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'