Instagram Sensation Pillows

"I'll have the sticky rack of ribs for my main course and something vegan for my Instagram post."

Anna Calvi

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"The video of you eating my $700 John Varvatos got 300 'likes.'"

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

"I take it you got the lead in the school play."

'Hey,come on SIMON, DON'T go all shy now. It's not everyday you get the chance to meet your favourite Footballer in the flesh...'

Surfing kangaroo #1 Hawaiian shirt.

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

"He's the one family member who doesn't care if I post hundreds of photos of him online."

Casting Director

'No you idiot! You're supposed to smash your guitar AFTER the show! What are you going to play now?'

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! She was great! I hear she's so sought-after by musical theater productions that she can make them work around her schedule! So in other words, "Operettas are standing by!"

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

"My Instagram feed is basically people, dog food and tennis balls."

"Honey! Our 15 minutes of fame has been reduced to an unflattering gif on Twitter!"

"Oh, wow, I almost didn't recognize you naked – you look so different in your person's Instagram photos."

"First gig in a while?"

Not only did I flunk my science presentation, it went viral on YouTube!

"Why, pray, am I not on YouTube?"

Edinson Cavani

"Look at me, sweetie...Do something cut for mommy..."

Surfing Pensioner

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."

Footballer's Luggage

"Do that again, but cuter."

My compliments to the chef – These colors totally match my Instagram aesthetic.

'I love appearing on stage. My only regret is that I can't be in the audience to fully appreciate my work.'

"Maybe you've seen my work. I've been on YouTube. I'm the drunk guy who lights his own farts."

"The baby is one thing - but how does the plant get more likes than me?"