Inspection Defier Pillows

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

"Office of quality assurance"

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"I changed my mind - I don't want any shredded cheese on my salad."

'Eric! Look for his pressure point! He's got to have a pressure point somewhere!'

'We couldn't find anything wrong with your car, so all you owe us is for 2 hours of search.'

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

'Use by June 2007. Gah' - 'Use by July 2007. Double gah.' - 'Best of a bad bunch...'

"The transformation is pretty bad, but the worst part is filling out the paperwork for the adverse events."

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"It says it's 100% ground beef. Only bones, brains, butts and eyeballs. Absolutely no pink slime added..."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

Chef swatting flies into a bowl in a sushi bar.

'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.'

'Why on Earth would you ask if this turkey is genetically modified?'

'Quicker to cycle anyway, mate...'

Man on treadmill with one leg in a cast.

The food inspector

'We don't want to interfere to much, just a couple of things...what you do and how you do it!'

'What did you find in your soup?'

'The food inspector, Sir!'

"Freeze! We're taking a look at your additives, preservatives, artificial coloring..."

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

Food Uncertainty

'That's great, but it was supposed to be a laxative.'

A woman sits in an office of the Food and Drug Administration in - out boxes marked MMMM Good and Oh - Bad.

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'

Continue eating. Pay no attention to me. I'm from the food and drug administration.

'He was using eggplant - another tragic case of apple pie fraud.'

'Mind if I smoke here, too?'