Innocence Enthusiasts T-Shirts

"I approach my subjects with an almost childlike sense of wonder."

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

Tourists and their Pets.

'Come on, I dare you: I say you can't drink a whole dew drop...'

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

First love.

Boy on father's knee

'Does this outfit make me look fat?'

"That's Eleanor. She's a fact checker."

'At least he's honest.'

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

'I always ask that you be frank and let your hair down providing, of course, you ever grow any hair to let down.'

"Find out who's got the licensing rights for this Armageddon thing and get them on the phone - quickly."

'The 'whole truth and nothing but the truth' can be tricky.'

In Disguise.

'... And then Goldsmith here, said to him: 'Never mind, if you're innocent you have nothing to worry about'.'

"It pains me to tell you this, but it ain't broke."

Do I really offend people all the time? You're too honest. People are different from other animals. Other animals like the truth, but people are very touchy. They like their information sugar-coated. Do you see? But what about Dr. Phil? Precisely. He's almost certainly part jungle creature.

"Now these prescription glasses are popular with our clients who like to be stylish yet lay low."

Introducing Honest Abe Cards

'Why honest is the best policy...'

'Bravo Professor, you stumbled upon the one fact that makes sense of it all. Unfortunately humanity is not permitted to know that the Universe was designed by a committee of ducks.'

'What does my dad do? Anything Mum tells him.'

'...the next train arriving at platform one is the 10.45 fast service to orgasm central!'

"To be honest we can't afford to be honest."

A right of privacy party.

"Thank you for calling the honesty foundation, your call in unimportant to us, so leave a message for us to laugh at when you hear the tone..."

'Your resume says, you are lazy, stupid, incompetent, useless, and a nitwit. You're hired, I like an honest man.'

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

'Joe's Junk Food.' 'At least he's honest.'

"Don't you just love them when they're that age?"

"Don't get cute with me, counsellor."

Bookie by Merry-Go-Round.

'When I asked for your honest opinion of me, I didn't expect you to be THAT honest!'

"And you're sure we don't need planning permission?"