Inner Diagnostician Discoverer Pillows

'Well my inner diagnostician thinks your inner diagnostician is completely off the wall.'

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'I'm afraid it's one of those new superbugs.'

"I'm afraid that you have gnumonia."

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

Bedside Manna.

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

'The pain in your eyes is from too much TV. The pain in your arm is from too much base-ball and that other pain is from too much home-work.'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"So in other words, we're hoping to discover what makes the nitty, gritty."

'Take a look at this everyone - it just could be the signature we've been looking for.'

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

'It's so rare you'll need your own teleton.'

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

'I've conducted a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed...'

"It seems all doctors agree with you, but I'd still like to get a 15th opinion."

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

Tunnel of Anxiety

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

"Nurse, can you send in the interpreter for Senora Delgado?"

Medicine's Myriad Mysteries - "Cold?", "Muscle strain?"...

Doctors' Tour

"It appears the pain is caused by your acupuncture treatments."

'I've narrowed the diagnosis down to 16 possibilities.'

'This is my twin brother. He's going to give you the second opinion you asked for...'

'I think I know what you've got, but it'll take a specialist to pronounce it.'