Injury Irony Fan Gifts

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Backfire

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"Nice haircut."

'Hey, buddy, do you mind lending me a hand? I appear to be stuck in this thing.'

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"It's Friday the 13th. I feel lucky!"

"I don't like the way the new pastor is looking at his flock."

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

Guide dog with eyesight proplem.

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

'I told him we're becoming an endangered species. He just laughed.'

'This is the kind of hat you wear to bed.'

Man has a dream about a clumsy sheep.

"If you don't start misbehaving, there won't be any Halloween candy for you."

'He's been at it too long. Now, when the bell rings, Dr. Pavlov salivates.'

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

"And Moses climbed the mountain day and night searching for some sort of sign from God when suddenly he saw it"

Did You Know That...Scientists in Illinois, USA, claim we would live a longer life if we were more like elves?

Misery Memoirs Bumper Pack.

"You mean you blame your failure in life on not having won the Irish Sweepstakes in 1970?"

"God, I hate to fly."

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

'No thanks. I'm just looking...'

The 'Death Tax'

"We're not all grim you know - I'm a happy reaper."

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

Snowmen go on their honeymoon to Miami.

You are here.

"Wow, you're dressed to kill."