Injury Irony Fan Pillows

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Backfire

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

'Hey, buddy, do you mind lending me a hand? I appear to be stuck in this thing.'

"Nice haircut."

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"I don't like the way the new pastor is looking at his flock."

"It's Friday the 13th. I feel lucky!"

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

Guide dog with eyesight proplem.

Man has a dream about a clumsy sheep.

'This is the kind of hat you wear to bed.'

'I told him we're becoming an endangered species. He just laughed.'

"If you don't start misbehaving, there won't be any Halloween candy for you."

'He's been at it too long. Now, when the bell rings, Dr. Pavlov salivates.'

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

Did You Know That...Scientists in Illinois, USA, claim we would live a longer life if we were more like elves?

"And Moses climbed the mountain day and night searching for some sort of sign from God when suddenly he saw it"

Misery Memoirs Bumper Pack.

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

"You mean you blame your failure in life on not having won the Irish Sweepstakes in 1970?"

"God, I hate to fly."

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

The 'Death Tax'

'No thanks. I'm just looking...'

"We're not all grim you know - I'm a happy reaper."

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

You are here.

'Due to all the government bailouts, you'll need to earn more. We're counting on you to bail us out.'

Snowmen go on their honeymoon to Miami.