Ingredients Gifts

Newt sale

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Painting by the numbers for adults

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

Wok. Don't Wok.

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'I found the termites!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

God's Subcontractors

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

Another All Steel Home Built By Wit Construction.

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

Honest Vending

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'