Ingredient Sleuth Pillows

'You're lucky you can't read.'

". . . Artificial flavoring, synthesized fruit, imitation chocolate bits, and the box is simulated cardboard."

'Well, SURE our customers want more nutritional information, but what about OUR privacy?'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

Honest Vending

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

'Diet considerations.'

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

A man with a sign that reads "Secret of my chili $1".

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

Horse meat scandal.

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

"Into every shopping cart a little mysterious Mediterranean product must fall."

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

Secret Family Recipes

"...I suggest we call it Greenspanium"

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

'Now with 30% less crap you can't even pronounce!'

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"What's this Artificial newt's tail? Instant toad urine? No wonder your spells suck!"