Ingredient Sleuth Pillows

'You're lucky you can't read.'

". . . Artificial flavoring, synthesized fruit, imitation chocolate bits, and the box is simulated cardboard."

'Well, SURE our customers want more nutritional information, but what about OUR privacy?'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Honest Vending

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

'Diet considerations.'

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

A man with a sign that reads "Secret of my chili $1".

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

Horse meat scandal.

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

Secret Family Recipes

"Into every shopping cart a little mysterious Mediterranean product must fall."

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

"...I suggest we call it Greenspanium"

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

'Now with 30% less crap you can't even pronounce!'

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.