Grocery Sleuth Pillows

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"I hate it when they put kittens in the impulse buying section."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Low Hanging Fruit

Alphabet soup

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

Friendly bacteria

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

Horse meat scandal.

'Look! It's Trendy Vineyards' Merlot Window Cleaner! Streak-free cleaning, because it's 50 proof!'

'Are these mushrooms edible?'

'I lost the grocery list you gave me. So I brought home a few weeks supply of pizza.'

Checkout for $385.00 or more.

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

"Would you like your milk in a bag?"

"Louie 'Three Fingers,' Tony 'The Chin,' Joey Alfonso... Dang it, Vinny, you brought me the hit list instead of the grocery list!"

Dadonomics

Fresh Food and Regurgitated

After the curevac disaster: German overnment now invests in a serious pharmaceutical company.

'We don't want your business; we just want the recipe.'

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."