Ingredient Magician T-Shirts

"I'm attempting to transmute calcium oxide, copper gluconate, manganese sulfate, tyrosine and benzaldehyde into condensed soup."

'I sent out for everything.'

Come dine with me!

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

Domestic Goddess.

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

Hungry child

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

The Witches Discover The Wok

Benihana style of cooking.

Newt sale

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

Party time.

"An untested recipe. An uncalibrated oven. Substituted ingredients. And yet, the cake...the cake is...magnificent!"

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Surprise in the salad bowl

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"Voila!...smooth pastry." (Lady teaching chef to iron dough).

You're the sizzle in my roast!

"Did you remove the bay leaf?"

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

Hot pot

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

'I love it when you cook - it lets me practice faking it.'

"More?"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"I'm making your favorite dessert, dear … seven layer cake."

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

'And if you squeeze snapdragons just like this, it sort of looks like they're biting something.'