Diet Magician T-Shirts

'I'm on a diet -- just make it a TWO-bean salad.'

'I sent out for everything.'

'How fast can you hype?'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

Domestic Goddess.

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

The Witches Discover The Wok

Party time.

The louder the kid, the tighter the lid.

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"Did you remove the bay leaf?"

"I put an app on your phone that punches you in the face every time you eat junk food. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind."

'I love it when you cook - it lets me practice faking it.'

'Go on - they're organic!'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"The doctor said I need more calcium, so I'm switching from dark to milk chocolate."

"Today's special is puréed sweet potato on cracker."

'Marmaduke, have you been drooling on my cookbooks again?'

Go on! Pick a card.

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'After you with the camouflage.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'Carb or non-carb section?'

'My nephew Richie can download all your work from the internet for free. You are all fired.'

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

'Howard's short stay in the hospital was good for both of us. He finally appreciates my cooking.'

"It's a little bland, because I microwaved it."

"Every time my wife has an accident in the kitchen, I end up eating it. . ."

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

"Cheer up! There's a magic ingredient that makes it easy to eat vegetables...CHEESE SAUCE!"

'You'll find loaves in the pantry and fishes in the freezer.'