Diet Magician T-Shirts

'I'm on a diet -- just make it a TWO-bean salad.'

'I sent out for everything.'

'How fast can you hype?'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

Domestic Goddess.

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

The Witches Discover The Wok

Party time.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

The louder the kid, the tighter the lid.

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"Did you remove the bay leaf?"

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"I put an app on your phone that punches you in the face every time you eat junk food. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind."

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

'I love it when you cook - it lets me practice faking it.'

'Go on - they're organic!'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"The doctor said I need more calcium, so I'm switching from dark to milk chocolate."

'Marmaduke, have you been drooling on my cookbooks again?'

"Today's special is puréed sweet potato on cracker."

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

Go on! Pick a card.

'After you with the camouflage.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'My nephew Richie can download all your work from the internet for free. You are all fired.'

'Carb or non-carb section?'

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

"Every time my wife has an accident in the kitchen, I end up eating it. . ."

"It's a little bland, because I microwaved it."

'Howard's short stay in the hospital was good for both of us. He finally appreciates my cooking.'

"Cheer up! There's a magic ingredient that makes it easy to eat vegetables...CHEESE SAUCE!"

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

'You'll find loaves in the pantry and fishes in the freezer.'