Infectious Humorist Gifts

Down a the lab - Germs "So what will you do when you grow up?" "Oh the usual...divide,multiply,infect,kill.."

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Distance to avoid contagion

Then get under cover before you are struck by lightning.

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

Lend me your ears

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Comicron

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

The Organic

Viral Pathology Center (janitor finding three dead bodies)

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"Dear, you are Definitely coming back as a centipede."

ABC Vice Company: Employees Must Squash Hands Before Returning to Work

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

Start of school year in Cuba 1

The trap

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."