Infant Analyst Gifts

"She's cute all right. But, whoa, what a narcissist!"

A midwife holding a baby

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

Doughboy Dad

'This boy you call my son doesn't care about investments, economy and money. I want a DNA test.'

"They look so young and helpless."

"I have to get up for mine 3 or 4 times a night!"

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

Daisy Diaper Service

Who's a cutey?

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

A boy and his spin patrol.

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'He's into Proust as only a child can be.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- it's hard to believe we're related.'

Kids' energy levels

'Children are all right, Carson, except they're so damned unprofitable.'

'All those years of teaching me to walk and talk. . . now all they want is for me to sit down and shut up!'

"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."

'My dad was a workaholic...' 'Mine was a drunken stumbblebum.'

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

Swings Doctor

"I'm getting a little tired of social media. He got mad at me so he said he is going to 'undad' me."

"Mothers Day is coming up. What shouldn't we do to make sure mom enjoys it?"

"Why are they always pushing quality on us?"

These days in Hamelin the piper casts a very lonely shadow. . . improvements in sanitation have mostly controlled the rats, while social media has total control over the children!!

'I can't make it tonight. I have to attend my mother's lecture series on responsibility.'

"Sometimes in my life I feel it's time for a change."

'Why can't my mother be more like my grandmother?'