Industrial Critic Gifts

Think - But not too much.

Humans...What is their purpose?

'Some way we've got to get back the good old American know-how to make cheap crap.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

Polluted geese

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

Crap from the future.

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'I give this one about three months...'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

"I'm as progressive as they come, except for my money. No one touches my money."

"It looks like a perfectly balanced system to me."

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'I highly recommend this painting if you're interested in art as an investment.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

'Need I tell you the name of the game?'

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"