Indoor Conversationalist Pillows

I'm beginning to think that my wit and Erudition is wasted on you

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

"Nick, are you listening or just buffering again?"

"I'll have to go now, Penny. My boyfriend keeps wittering on about something or other!"

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"My main worry is my anxiety."

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

Writer's irony.

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

'I think I'm suffering from an identity crisis, but then who am I to say?'

"I prefer the term 'barista.'"

"I was on a roll at first. Then, things began to unravel, and my life just went down the drain."

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

"The sourdough starter says it still believes Covid was a hoax."

"Sick? No. Everything is fine. We're all just under the weather."

'Has anyone ever told you your tweets are Hemingwayesque?'

"IRL sucks."

'Whoa, Buddy, I think you've had enough...'

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communications with patients in personal, supportive but not disempowering course?"

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

"Of course I'm naturally apologetic. I was conceived during make-up sex."

'Yes that's right I ordered 2 doubles. Why, did you want a drink too?'

'Hello, is that the government? Yes, I was just wondering... is the lambada still forbidden?'

"I realise you're used to talking to me on the chat line, but would you mind not moving your fingers like you're typing everytime you say something."

Do you cover broken noses...

'Nine out of ten doctors think excessive drinking is bad for your health.'

Dining Alone

Bathroom DIY

"I'm filled with the holiday spirit. Single malt scotch."