Indigestion Jokester Gifts

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

Virtual Doctor

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'He's so hip he even used rock 'n roll-on deodorant.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

Fresh Corn and Dental Floss farmstands.

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

Patient charts

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mister Kane...You've got 'Shingles'.'

"We both knew this day would come, Samantha... I'm leaving you and taking the kids."

'How's the new pacemaker.'

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

"I'm not really a doctor. I'm a placebo."

Plastic Surgery

'One of the side effects of this medication is it gives people the urge to operate heavy machinery.'

"It's weeder's elbow."