India Gifts

My God, I need to fart.

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

'I found it in the Karma Sutra - it's an old Indian bondage trick.'

"Nation-building never works."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Remote control pirate bully

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

Beach con-man.

"Too crowded. Let's go."

Holiday time.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

"Business doesn't take a summer vacation."

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Winter Coat Check at a Tropical Destination's Airport

'Hold on just a few more minutes. I want mine medium well.'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

'Thank-you God.'

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"What sorcery be this? Thine castle is bouncy!"

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

"Tommy!"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

"If oceans are absorbing more carbon dioxide, why isn't this water fizzy?"

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'I was just playing rodeo and breaking horses.'

Working Holiday

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'