Income Influencer Gifts

'I want to discuss my salary!'

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

Changing Minds

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

'And, for the student with the most hits on his or her Facebook page, the award goes to Lisa Skemley!'

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

Creativity 2.0

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"This is off our first TikTok."

"Influence this."

Witches of Instagram

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

"Baldo, why do you make fun of my playing?"

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"