In-flight Humor Lovers Gifts

"Watch out for the last row. They like to play poker."

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

The Problem with the TSA

'Stealth broom.'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

Two birds refuel.

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

I brake for Jetliners.

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

What really killed the dinsaurs.

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

Grim reaper struggles to get his scythe in the overhead locker of an aeroplane.

"Hey, thanks again for letting me borrow your pen."

"You think you're annoyed? The acoustics in here are terrible!"

Revealing Airport Security

'...Every time he goes on the track we have to notify air traffic control.'

'Hmm, your luggage seems to have been booked through to India.'

"No one wants a drink, no one wants a snack...I don't know who I am anymore."

"We get your point about legroom, now please put them back in the cabin"

'Is this business class?'

Obliging as always, Elliot agrees to take a flying leap.

'Radical snow removal method #23 at the airport.'

Stop flicking that lighter !

'You're just the kind of person we're looking for to test our airplane seats.'

'Only one arm rest? Sheesh! Airlines are getting so cheap!'

'I aim to be the first man to cross the Atlantic in a tin bath!'

For the chemist on the go: Laptop gas chromatography/mass spectrometer.