Impulse Engager Gifts

Sign reading 'If you see something spontaneous - make the most of it...'.

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

Tonight: Town Hall Meeting. With free speech, sometimes I think that you get what you pay for!

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'We don't know what it is but it was in the sale so we thought we'd better get one before they sold out.'

"I hate it when they put kittens in the impulse buying section."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

Caricature of Noam Chomsky

"The door-to-door sales rep was very persuasive, but in my defense he only sold me one."

'Man, I've bought heaps on my credit card this month...It always amazes me...How many things I'd rather have than money.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Data Extraction Social Media Theme Park

I need a raise. This is no time to joke. I've been on a buying binge at the iPhone app store and I can't pay my credit card. These apps are worth it. They're life-changing, they're

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

"This next song is about a trip to Vermont. It's called 'This is the whitest state I've ever seen—wow!'"

"I went by the pet store this morning, just for a peek."

"I wish you wouldn't buy things from people who come to the door."

Woman impulsively buying a book about how to stop impulse buying.

"I shop to forget what I bought last year."

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"Long time no see, Mr. Jimmy. I understand congratulations are in order on your recent engagement, wedding and divorce."

"Hi honey, do we need anything for the junk drawer?"

"This next song exposes the hypocrisy of everyone here."

"You really shouldn't shop when you're hungry."

Man goes from instant cash machine to instant spending.

Turn on chat. Delete conversation.

"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."

Adrenaline is flowing down there with lots of last-minute, panicked Christmas shoppers! The DNA is frantically looking for heirlooms that'll be passed on in succeeding generations. It seems no price is too high for the helium atom - it's buying everything! Meanwhile, the neutron can't charge and hasn't been able to buy a single gift! Tempers are getting short! A big nerve angered other shoppers by blatantly cutting in the checkout line! And there's a quarrel over a parking spot with a whit

"That concludes my presentation. I'll now open this up for some answers."