Impractical Humor Seeker Pillows

"That's one 50-gallon drum of shampoo, one 50-gallon drum of conditioner, and one leaf-blower. Sign here."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

...and then I...wait....What's that?? Whoa! We're on a spaceship! This is fun! Hey! What's this button do? Can I pull this lever? Are we there yet? Take a selfie with us? Do we get snacks? Can I drive? Are we there yet? Something we said? Just imagine if we'd been obnoxious!

Invasion Of The Summer Aliens

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

Due to his low center of gravity, Jake is the greatesr broncbuster ever!

'Fetch.'

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

'Hold on just a few more minutes. I want mine medium well.'

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

A sheep dog has stacked the sheep four high - 'He used to be with the circus before he came to the farm...!'

The Runaway Horse

Giraffe Umbrella

Transylvanian backpackers.

'Been Away?' A piece of bread looks at a piece of brown toast as if it's got a suntan.

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

Figures from 'Ascent of Man' diagram all do the Conga: 'Let's all fo the Conga, na-na-na-na ...'

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

A caveman paints from life

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"I'm just here to pick up some bagels."

National Everything Awareness Day

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Dragon Hair-dryer.

The inhabitants of the jungle get tied up in rush hour traffic.

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"Hey! Where's that black cat? My ride's ready!"